Society tells us what is attractive, what success looks like, even what morality should be defined as so is it really a surprise that our ability to be happy while we age is also being influenced by a small group in the media and fashion industries?
The ridiculous and often impossible standards placed on people, particularly women, from a very early age to be young and skinny is difficult enough when you are actually young. As we age our bodies change. We get pregnant, go through menopause, may unfortunately experience an illness. These things do not lend themselves to staying as skinny as we were, if we were, in our teens and twenties.
For example, after menopause many women get what is often referred to as a spare tire around their middles that is very difficult to get rid of. A lot of women call this new “belly” situation or spread, a menopause belly for a reason. It starts because of the onset of, or during menopause.
If youth is to be the gold standard of attractiveness, of course as we age we will feel badly when everything on us from eyelids to boobs to knees start to head south. It is not to say that men are not feeling this same shame and don’t kid yourself, we are being shamed, it is just that 10 to 1 men are referred to as sexy and silver foxes as they age while women are told they have physically aged out — especially from the dating pool.
It isn’t a coincidence that although men and women from 40–60 are divorcing and dating in record numbers, there for some mysterious reason, don’t seem to be quite enough men in that age group for the women in that age group. The reality is it is actually not that much of a mystery. For generations men have been told the women in their age group are old and done. So they look to a younger age group for the new woman of their dreams. That’s not great for the many single women who would like to have a relationship be a part of their third and fourth acts unless they want to date men who are much older than they are.
Well, at least men and women can find satisfaction in a career if they can’t find a partner or feel attractive as they age, right?
Wrong. Society has very clear rules about that one too. If you are over a certain age, and not necessarily a very old age by our standards, so say in your 60’s, they try to push you out of the workforce. Never mind if you actually like working or need the money. Old is old especially if you are an employee and don’t own your own business.
You are for the most part not employable other than as a Walmart greeter or Costco receipt checker once you hit your 60’s. Of course we are exaggerating but have you looked for a job since retiring? They are few and far between and good luck if you expect to try something new and need some training. The world of work doesn’t think you are a good investment anymore even if you may and probably will be around for another 30 or 40 years. Companies would rather you go rock on a porch somewhere instead.
These are only a few examples of how society negatively impacts our ability to embrace and enjoy aging. Continuing to perpetuate these falsehoods to millions of people in the US and in other Western countries around the world is counterproductive to moving society forward. So many people will be over the age of 65 in the coming years and setting them up to be weak, unproductive, unfulfilled, unhappy and in many cases, lonely will require resources to care for this “old” population. Who is going to be doing that? We don’t have the money or the people to take care of a problem we are actually creating.
Call us crazy but perhaps a better approach is to tell the truth. Aging isn’t something to be ashamed of. Men AND women over 40 and 50 are attractive even if they have some sags in their skin.
Women over 40 are smart, sexy and probably ten times better and more confident than their 20 and 30 year old counterparts are in bed and almost everywhere else, so let’s stop pretending men need to date down in age to be happy or to find love. Dementia and moving slowly is not a given as we age. Hiring and even training someone who is in his 40s or 70s is not charity work. It is often a good business decision because people who have worked over 20 or 30 years are more experienced than their college graduate counterparts and often more responsible. If the truth be told, many of them were raised with better manners and a healthy sense of respct too.
Let’s work on ending ageism so we can focus on how lucky we are to age and so we can actually enjoy it.
I know that’s my goal.
